“Every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better.” – John Lennon, “Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)”
Babies are clever. The more fussy they get, the cuter they get, so that inevitably they are worth every bit of trouble and more.
Edmond has been fussy. He has spit up all over us dozens of time (one spectacular instance resulted in Jonathan covered on both sides of his body at 4 a.m.). He pooped (through his diaper and one layer of clothing) on my bare stomach after nursing. He goes through 2-4 outfits a day. I would love to say we’re always laughing at the ridiculousness of these occurrences at the time, but as often as not we’re frustrated and upset and it’s only an hour or two later that we are able to laugh at the utter hilarity that is parenthood.
Edmond has been cute. He smiles so often and so knowingly now. He laughs in his sleep. He coos and gurgles. When we play music, it really seems like he tries to sing along. We love nuzzling his soft cheeks. We love kissing him. We love the sweet smell of him and his newness. Like most parents, we’re convinced our baby is perfect.
Today, I found myself taking far too many pictures. I think I took over fifty of Edmond as he squirmed on a blue throw in the living room, looking alternately out the window and back at me. I was compelled by the notion that he changes every day, every minute. That each expression on his face is a miracle of brevity, a lesson in mortality and the changefulness of life. I wish I could bottle up the sweet essence of his five-week old self and preserve it – save it for days in the future, perhaps during his terrible twos or during his teens – to be uncorked and cuddled, re-cherished and re-loved.
I wish time worked that way. It is painful that human life is not cyclical, not really, and that every second reels away from us to become the past.
I’m working hard to soak in this time as much as possible, to love him entirely, even when he is difficult, and to recognize that each stage of his life will prove wonderful in its own way and it is useless to mourn the passing of time.
But he is so very lovely at five weeks.
Beautiful boy (Darling boy).